I don’t have anything to say. I don’t write on demand. I need a topic.

This isn’t working.

Something.

Something

Something,

Write something.

Write what thing?

Is there any one thing that needs for me to write that thing.

no

I’d like to be more, do more, but it’s fucking hard. As Jawbreaker comes on my playlist: “You’re not punk, and I’m telling everyone…” I recall being drunk and seventeen (Thanks to Terry Pratchett for putting that synonym into my head.) I said to myself that I wouldn’t be one of those mindless drones that do nothing with their life, I’d be a writer, or a rock star, or something else that tickled my fancy at the time. Now I’m thirty, I work in retail, and tell myself that I love my job. Rebellion and angst are dead to me.

I do like my job though. It could definitely be better, and it is in many ways one of the best jobs I’ve ever had; but that’s not really saying much. I despised being a cashier at a truck stop, I was not content sweeping floors at a building supply shop, union politics at the manufacturing plant disgusted me, and removing PC viruses from peoples computers had me disillusioned of the intelligence of my fellow humans. There are elements of everything I hate in my current job, but the ability to at least make people smile is a sharp counter balance that I’ve never experienced before.

Intruding on the general boringness of my everyday life, I’ve recently discovered a faulty stick of RAM in my computer. This is concerning because the warranty on it is expired. I’ve narrowed it down to one of two sticks by the simple process of removing them from my system and all of a sudden being able to boot the computer. I haven’t decided if I care enough to put them back in for testing or just button up the machine. Linux runs just fine with 8 GB of ram instead of 16.

Lindsay is making some tea for us right now. I like tea.

I can feel blisters starting to form on the side of my index fingers, small ones. If I pace my playing properly, those should fade and my fingers will be stronger. The tiredness in my fingers, wrists, and to a lesser extent, my shoulders, will also fade as the muscles reacquaint themselves to that type of movement and become stronger.

I’ve remembered tips read a long time ago about practicing while watching TV – I don’t have a TV, but Netflix is close enough. Theme songs and opening credits to movies are playing to the gentle tap of my 7B’s as I distractedly lean back in my chair.

Speaking of 7B’s, I used to think that the “rock” sized drumsticks were the best thing to ever strike a skin. They’re definitely exactly what they’re intended to be, I’m sure, but I think I prefer the slimmer and lighter sticks these days. They feel faster in my hands and easier to control. I used to demand for myself wooden tips, thinking that they were somehow superior without actually trying a good pair with nylon tips.

There is so much equipment out there, and it’s probably very unlikely that I will master all of it, or even understand the purpose of half of it, but I think  going forward I will have to keep an open mind about my personal studies in music.

Ahh, self depreciation, how I am ambivalent to thee!

I know lots of stuff, but I don’t particularly enjoy writing about all of it. And for the stuff that I like, I can fake the knowledge well enough.

Here is an example.

There’s a lot of really cute and funny songs there.

This is a comment currently in my Spam bucket. It’s in the bucket because of the username and the acompanying link to something that’s probably sketchy. The comment is awesome though.

So yeah, it’s all just monkies anyways.

I haven’t felt the need to write much lately, mostly because I always think that I need a “topic” of some sort before I start. I could rant about the latest horrors performed by a figure of Religious Authority, or I could write about a hopeful message to gay High School kids, or how Anti-Vaccination nut-jobs kill children. All of those topics have been covered, however, by folks far more eloquent than I. I’m jealous of those other writers, that they have the confidence to put their words to the subjects of the day. I could write about how I miss playing the drums, or how I haven’t played my guitar nearly often enough. Or I could bitch about having nothing to write about, even though as I’ve just noted, there are an abundance of topics on which I could easily put together something or another to say.

I’ve been reading Pride and Prejudice on my iPod. while the screen on the device is small and not really suited to reading large books, I must say that I’m pretty impressed by the iBooks App. The action is pretty natural, and the text is clear and easy to read. I kind of want an iPad now, even though eBooks are pretty much the only use I would have for the device. Maybe I should talk to one of the lovely people at the Apple store about what other uses I would have for such a thing… I don’t know.

Anyhow, I think I’m done for now. Maybe I will write some more after work today.