This way, it’s not whingeing.
I don’t have anything to say. I don’t write on demand. I need a topic.
This isn’t working.
Something.
Something
Something,
Write something.
Write what thing?
Is there any one thing that needs for me to write that thing.
no
I’m tired. I look at myself and see me going to work almost every day, forcing a smile and acting like a good extrovert, then I come home completely drained. I’m barely able to stand once I sit down, so I find myself hunched in front of my computer looking at mindless comics and worthless crap from the dregs of the Internet.
I’d like to be more, do more, but it’s fucking hard. As Jawbreaker comes on my playlist: “You’re not punk, and I’m telling everyone…” I recall being drunk and seventeen (Thanks to Terry Pratchett for putting that synonym into my head.) I said to myself that I wouldn’t be one of those mindless drones that do nothing with their life, I’d be a writer, or a rock star, or something else that tickled my fancy at the time. Now I’m thirty, I work in retail, and tell myself that I love my job. Rebellion and angst are dead to me.
I do like my job though. It could definitely be better, and it is in many ways one of the best jobs I’ve ever had; but that’s not really saying much. I despised being a cashier at a truck stop, I was not content sweeping floors at a building supply shop, union politics at the manufacturing plant disgusted me, and removing PC viruses from peoples computers had me disillusioned of the intelligence of my fellow humans. There are elements of everything I hate in my current job, but the ability to at least make people smile is a sharp counter balance that I’ve never experienced before.
Not much is happening here. I’ve been reading a lot. mostly Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. It’s pretty okay; engrossing enough for the time being. I might be starting to get burned out at work, but I’m not sure, maybe I’m just starting to get cynical. Either way, I think some time off is going to be necessary eventually. I would hate to hate going to work.
Intruding on the general boringness of my everyday life, I’ve recently discovered a faulty stick of RAM in my computer. This is concerning because the warranty on it is expired. I’ve narrowed it down to one of two sticks by the simple process of removing them from my system and all of a sudden being able to boot the computer. I haven’t decided if I care enough to put them back in for testing or just button up the machine. Linux runs just fine with 8 GB of ram instead of 16.
Lindsay is making some tea for us right now. I like tea.
I’ve started practicing drumming again. It’s been a long while. I think, mostly, I felt intimidated by a practice pad. They’re cold, and expressionless, when compared with the awesome sound of a full acoustic drum kit. Having spent a few days now actually tapping out simple patterns though, I can definitely see the benefit. Paradiddles, triplets, five seven and nine stroke rolls, and even single stroke rolls are quickly becoming more comfortable. I’m still not very fast though; I expect that will come with time and practice.
I can feel blisters starting to form on the side of my index fingers, small ones. If I pace my playing properly, those should fade and my fingers will be stronger. The tiredness in my fingers, wrists, and to a lesser extent, my shoulders, will also fade as the muscles reacquaint themselves to that type of movement and become stronger.
I’ve remembered tips read a long time ago about practicing while watching TV – I don’t have a TV, but Netflix is close enough. Theme songs and opening credits to movies are playing to the gentle tap of my 7B’s as I distractedly lean back in my chair.
Speaking of 7B’s, I used to think that the “rock” sized drumsticks were the best thing to ever strike a skin. They’re definitely exactly what they’re intended to be, I’m sure, but I think I prefer the slimmer and lighter sticks these days. They feel faster in my hands and easier to control. I used to demand for myself wooden tips, thinking that they were somehow superior without actually trying a good pair with nylon tips.
There is so much equipment out there, and it’s probably very unlikely that I will master all of it, or even understand the purpose of half of it, but I think going forward I will have to keep an open mind about my personal studies in music.
That’s a double negative. I worked, at work, and that went well. I’m going to practice drumming in a little bit, and probably watch an episode of Farscape. I’ve also set up a mirror for this blog – useful, I know – at somethingeloquent.blogspot.com, just in case this one explodes or something. Every post I make here will automatically be cross posted at that site… this may also increase my exposure a little, for what it’s worth.
Ahh, self depreciation, how I am ambivalent to thee!
There’s some good advice floating about the Internets right about now from one Austin Kleon. I particularly like the bit about writing what you like, not what you know.
I know lots of stuff, but I don’t particularly enjoy writing about all of it. And for the stuff that I like, I can fake the knowledge well enough.
So here I am, laying on the couch shortly before I have to leave for a staff meeting. I’m bored out of my skull right now. I don’t really know why. I just feel like I should be doing something. I should go to the store and get TP or something. Or maybe I should read something or work on building a Christmas wish-list. Bah I’ll just post a silly little rant in my blob instead.
So, for the past hour or so Lindsay and I have been listening to Parry Gripp youtube videos.
Here is an example.
There’s a lot of really cute and funny songs there.
“I’m always reading about the “Great Apes.” What’s so great about them? How come we never hear about any “Paltry Apes”?”
This is a comment currently in my Spam bucket. It’s in the bucket because of the username and the acompanying link to something that’s probably sketchy. The comment is awesome though.
So yeah, it’s all just monkies anyways.
Our new residence is nearly settled, with just a few boxed of stuff left that we haven’t needed yet, and the storage room filled to capacity with miscellany. We have a kitchen table, couch, and a lot of bookshelves. It’s at the point now where we could feasibly have visitors and not be embarrassed by the place. This is good. I have some tidying that I could be doing right now, but I’d really rather not; instead I will ramble a bit on the ‘ol blog for a little while until it’s time to go to work.
I haven’t felt the need to write much lately, mostly because I always think that I need a “topic” of some sort before I start. I could rant about the latest horrors performed by a figure of Religious Authority, or I could write about a hopeful message to gay High School kids, or how Anti-Vaccination nut-jobs kill children. All of those topics have been covered, however, by folks far more eloquent than I. I’m jealous of those other writers, that they have the confidence to put their words to the subjects of the day. I could write about how I miss playing the drums, or how I haven’t played my guitar nearly often enough. Or I could bitch about having nothing to write about, even though as I’ve just noted, there are an abundance of topics on which I could easily put together something or another to say.
I’ve been reading Pride and Prejudice on my iPod. while the screen on the device is small and not really suited to reading large books, I must say that I’m pretty impressed by the iBooks App. The action is pretty natural, and the text is clear and easy to read. I kind of want an iPad now, even though eBooks are pretty much the only use I would have for the device. Maybe I should talk to one of the lovely people at the Apple store about what other uses I would have for such a thing… I don’t know.
Anyhow, I think I’m done for now. Maybe I will write some more after work today.
